So Daryl got me thinking by asking "What is love?".
Here I am sitting with another browser open at infoplease.com to look at the definition of love.   I found 20 points according to the word.

love

Pronunciation: (luv), [key]
—n., v., loved, lov•ing.

—n.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 

I would say if one person can turn me from "man hating" into a "up in the cloud mode" ...we can call that something special.
Three  weeks ago I was man hating and ready to be alone for awhile ...and even when he did come along I told him upfront and kinda pushed him away...but he stayed.

Everyone has pretty much opened up my eyes.  I am pretty blind when something bad is infront of me and I stand up for what I think is right ...but I'm the one that pays the price and at the end I'm the one that gets stepped on.
If I'm telling someone I care about them a lot and they freak out ...that's bad isn't it ?  How can me caring about someone, telling them I'd never cheat on them or how I adore them be scary? You kinda lost a good thing there.  Now that the fog has cleared, I know you didn't put 100% into us.  I'm usually the one that blames myself for failed relationships, it always seems like I'm the one that messes them up...but this time I'm not taking the weight for this one.  It's reassuring to know that when I do question it at times everyone flies on the handle with me and lists all the flaws and notes that they knew in the end I wasn't happy.  
I gave up on the battle against controllers and noon hour it's not my kinda fight.

Anyways I'm one of the believers of  "everything happens for a reason"  and Daryl...I think you would agree now yes?? 
Not throwing it back in my face this time !   :P 

sooo ...if things hadn't ended with Stefan I wouldn't be miserable..then I wouldn't have turned to my friend Tom who had a hidden coworker Jarrett whom he wanted me to meet..and then I wouldn't be with the best guy who I absolutely adore and puts a permanent smile on my face all day long :D 

I have never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life, like I do with him.  I don't have to hide behind a mask and worry what he may think.  I mean I know you shouldn't hide from someone either...but with him I don't have a reason to.  He takes me for who I am.  

You know sometimes as time goes by you wish your bf/gf would do more or less of something and start seeing some "flaws"...there is not one single thing I would change with Jarrett.  There is not a day goes by where he doesn't seem to amaze me, and for once ...I feel special.  Something I haven't felt in a REALLY long time. 

Of course I am known for trusting too much and falling a little to fast but I'm not afraid this time.  There is nothing upfront that screams alert.   We have our one-month coming up but it feels WAY longer.  I think that is a good thing :) 

I love simplicity and I may have like 50 different amazing memories with him like wing nights with his friends..or making fun of people (yeah he's mean like me and what) ...but at the end of the day I like the simple things we have done like skipping stones into the lake during a walk by the lake, making dinner and me not making bacon properly (APPARENTLY *eye roll*), or just spending an afternoon watching a movie while I finish a whole bag of popcorn by myself lol.  

..he's aware of the popcorn addiction....

If I could stand still in a moment right now I would because I'm the happiest I've ever been...no word of a lie :)
Until next time... 

I am overwhelmed with gratitude because I'm so thankful I found you.  <3 xoxo

[	mood	|	sad	]
[	music	|	Josh Groban February Song	]

Well most people know my life is based on a soundtrack.  Whatever mood I'm in, I can relate it to a song or a few for that matter.  Lately it was all up on clouds and nothing could crash my mood...until now... 
There is a point in your life where you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will.  I think I've semi-reached that point from where I'm standing right now.  I mean I can't relate it to my WHOLE life since I'm not even 1/4 through it...but you know what I mean.  For once I've reached a new point and a new feeling which kind of scares me. 
As I get older I grow and mature into that adult that has to start planning.  I'm at that point where I have my whole life planned out and know where I want to go in the end.  But plans always change as well so you never know.  Anyways you also develop into a person you want to be.
I know I've always been an emotional person and sensitive in a way that people tend to think I'm sometimes insane...but I'm human and that is how I cope with things.  I think that is one thing I can never change just because with people in my life I care too much.  When I start a new relationship I always try and make sure I don't mess up like I did like the others.  You want to learn from those mistakes.  But then again you never can control what happens right??  
You know how they say "You never know what you have until you lose it " ??

That was me last night... 

I know I haven't lost it completely but it hit me like a ton of bricks when I got home.  And you know what gets me ?  
-- We both saw it coming and KNOW it wasn't going to work.....so why am I so effected?  
I do know one of my flaws is that I don't like change and maybe I was so into a routine that I have to tell myself to snap out of it.  2 1/2 months of talking everyday...reminders that we care..webcaming and inside jokes... and then eventually the memories to go along with it.  Of course I was more into it because I was more involved in his life more than he was in mine.  I met the friends the family, dinners and just simplicity.  Maybe it's harder because we are still on good terms...whereas you can just hate the other person if they were to cheat on you but it was simple words and disappointment in the end for us and no explanination because we are both blank on that. 
The worst way to miss someone is when they are beside you and you know can't have them.  My feelings are still obviously there and I will need time to just heal again, and come to terms with the friendship part of it.  I will try.  
It's all about picking yourself up and moving along.

I won't lie and say I'm ok...because after a couple hours of it sinking in....I realized everything we wanted "us" to be didn't work.  With all the expectations from everyone and ourselves and yet we never established what those expectations were.  And don't say sorry because the only thing worse would be if we continued knowing feelings weren't there.
However... I will be ok...I promise I will be back to be your friend but right now I need time. 

Anyways...so back to the first sentence....what is my soundtrack song to get through for now? 

Josh Groban... "February Song" 

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes


I wish I could open my eyes and wish it was just a nightmare
And you know what else?...I'm so use to you being by my side and today is the first day without you and it sucks.

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	Default - count on me	]

Lately I haven't been swimming in that "sea of fish" but I caught a good one :P 

McBanff comes home on Monday!  
I've gotten what it's like to have those butterfly feelings and gushing and fusing over one person.  
I know this time will be different..mixed emotions there!

Anyways ... 
I love christmas in my office!! I get SO many yummy treats :P 
Today a patient brought me a plate of home made cookies and then right after another one brought me tea.
I think I already have 3 boxes of chocolate under the tree..total insanity..I can share some this time. 
The patients that REALLY love me are the ones that give me the ones with alcohol in them :P mwahaha 

Things are looking up for the Martin's ....hopefully Mr.Martin will come home for christmas...that is all they want right now ..one step at a time.  She offered me her chalet today which was out of the blue.  Im like really?
Well she wont be using it this year for skiing since she is looking after the hubby.  So it's an option.

This sat it's Daryl's bday skating...should be really fun for the little reunion we will be having!
I have to find my skates :P  I should've sharpened them but oh well no time.  This week I have the car omg it's such freedom to drive whereever you want.  In a way I don't want my dad to come back yet lol Im so mean.
Speaking of which he calls rubbing it in my face ..Booo...."Heather you should've come!"  and my grandparents speaking in the background "wish you were here"  :(   
Hanging on for the new year to come and maybe I will see them again. 

Anyways update later...until next time.
 

I love the little moments that are somewhat Insignificant but when you sit back and remember it they make you smile or laugh. 

Today the doctor was telling me about her husband and his "solution" as to how to get his voice back.
His voice comes and goes without reason and all the doctors are trying to figure out.  Things have been really tragic for him due to his illness and hospitalization at TGH.  Last night the doctor tried to call her husband and he wasn't answering...and today she came in saying he was all depressed and didn't want to talk because no one could understand him because it's hard for him to talk.  
So today he calls her and he has the PERFECT voice and she's like how did you get your voice back? 
His answer?? ...."it was the green jello!"
So now he is demanding ONLY green jello...his son brought red jello but it wasn't good enough... so him and the girlfriend went to Sick Kids to get the GREEN one. haha ....and today (since it wasn't busy) the doctor is telling me this while we're sitting in the waiting room...and for once in a LOOOOONG time we were laughing with tears in our eyes.  And we both throught the same thing :   THAT is the Jary we know...he's back to himself.
She laughed saying how she's paying for all these meds that cost over $1,000 but something simple as a $0.99 pack of jello clears everything! haha 
Im glad he has his sense of humour back :D That is the guy I knew lol 

AND THEN
Today I went over to the doctor office next door and they said to me "do you like our new accessory?" and Im like huh?  ....and as they point up I see a....

BAT!

I was like oooomg Im outta here !! lol 
Apparently it's common in my building..I saw one last year when I was locking up late and then one year Dr, Martin said she had one in her office and a patient's child said "look a bird!!"  ummm no.  

Everyone needs these crazy moments that make you laugh.   Laughter is the best medicine.


Have you ever driving in your car alone and blarred the music to sing ...even though you can't ?? LOL 
We all KNOW I can't sing lol ...who cares.
So Sheryl Crow came on with "First cut is the deepest" yesterday as I was running errands...and I haven't heard that song since it was my "breakup" song like a few years back....and yeah you do learn and try to love again.
All the risks you need to take and jump when you think that new person is worth the jump :)
Right after that it was this love song RBD "Tu Amor"  Im one of these people that overplay the song lol 
Sue me :P 

**NOTE to people who haven't watched RENT yet :  Don't watch it by yourself like I did lol ...it's friggin SAD!

[

mood

|

chipper

]

Thank GOD it's the weekend.
This week has been absolute hell and stressful.

We are back to living day to day in the office because of her husband.  
Everything is unpredictable...but I think we are going to be stable again next week.

We                     
      are                
            like    
                   a
                      teeter
                                 totter 


Today is the only day that we actually ran on time and ended early WHICH is surprising because it's Friday and we work 1/2 a day but today NO ONE called.  That is always nice ...right? 

I just found out I have to go to my aunt's tomorrow...YAH ME! :S 
It's Heather bashing time

What other bad thing happened to me this week?  my IPOD DIED!...lol A lot may say "so??"  BUT music is my life here ...it gets me from point A to point B lol ....It's my time filler on the way to work..booo :(  And if I pay for service and repair it may cost more than just buying a new one but Im not going to dish out another couple hundreds for it .
That is just dumb. 

Dad leaves for Germany in 2 weeks...that was suppose to be MY vacation too *cries*  
My traditions, my life = my grandparents ...even they are disappointed I'm not coming...they said the other weekend "Heather why aren't you coming...it may be the last time"  I HATE it when they talk like that :( 
I just hope they aren't right.

Although despite all the shit that goes on in life ....for once I can say I am truly happy :D

                                                                                                              

[

mood

|

high

]

SO yesterday was the big day...now I'm paying for it.

I had to be at the hospital for 6:00am...surgery wasn't until 8:15 am.  Constant waiting around.
After changing into gowns, I had to wait around until my name was called for admittion.  The admitting nurse was SO MOODY!  I mean considering it was 8:00am on a Monday morning, she is already crabby.  She didn't know a THING..she had to ask me all these questions and as I'm telling her she's looking at me as if I don't know what I'm talking about, like I have asthma and I take Pumicort and Ventolin for it....her response?? "how do you spell that?"
I look at my mom like WTF?!
Then  I was given the IV drip, hopped into a bed and rolled out to the operating room.  The nurses and doctors were laughing at me because I told them I had watched a tonsillectomy on Youtube :P  THey are like "omg is that a good idea to know what we're doing to you?"  LOL ... I was like Im a medical secretary, I'm interested in these things. 

The creepiest thing is the anesthetics :S  They add the gases to your mask and boom eyes start shutting last thing I heard was "Have a good sleep Heather, we'll see you when you wake up".

I woke up in the post-operative room.  Where everyone is taken after waking up from anesthetics.  There is one nurse sitting by the bed of each patient.  Randomly taking blood pressue and trying to keep you up.  I was driting in and out.  I woke up to some girl going crazy crying her eyes out.  "I want my boyfriend!!" the nurses totally flipped on her, "you are just out of surgery, you're NOT seeing your boyfriend, and that is enough of THAT"  I was like whoa.

After awhile I was taking to recovery to be monitored for 2 hours.  Reunited with mum :)  She was all worried up until the time she saw me.  Gotta love mothers :)  She thought something had gone wrong because the surgery was suppose to be 45 minutes so I should have been done at 9:00..but the rolled me into the recovery room around 10ish.

I was light headed and dizzy as hell...I was acting like a drunk person..and these pain killers don't do much :S 
I've popped them a little more than I should but I'M IN AGONY with my throat.  
Last night was like zombie mood :S I was crying with the pain....worst feeling ever...BUT it will be all worth it in the end. 
And I think about futures that become my strength to get better and not complain.  I have to make a gingerbread  house and go skating ;)   

I'll update later...

Take chances. Tell the truth. Fall in love. Meet new people. Be random. Say I love you. Be silly. Be crazy. Say whats on your mind. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Laugh until your tummy hurts. Live everyday as if tomorrow doesn’t exist and have no regrets...

[	Current Location	|	Computer Room	]
[	mood	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	Nick Lachey - I can't hate you anymore	]

I was thinking today that a year ago today....to life was SO much less complicated.  I was actually content with where I was in my life..and lately mine at the moment has been nothing but drama. 

I've started my long weekend with a day off because simply the doctor and I deserve it :P
I went ot Fairview to have Lunch with my ex-Laura Secord crew...Anna my old manager and the current manager Barb.  I can't believe the shit that is going on over there.  Anna almost got into a fight with Chris while Barb and I "tried" to talk to one another between them lol.  I thought she was going to jump over the counter haha
I've always been close to Anna....and usually your manager cant be a "friend"...however Anna and had this bond when we'd work together and she'd come to me with everything.  Funny thing is Im 10 years younger.   It would bother Chris to no end that Anna would come to me because she never thought I was responsible enough and Anna fested up that she bad mouthed me  :(    But as Anna and I got to know one another she knew she could rely on me and knew that Chris was this chronic liar.  Everyone hated her...and to this day everyone knows it...even Barb!  Today at lunch I asked how everyone was and Barn replied, "Sam is good...all the girls are good ...and well Chris....Chris is Chris".  Anna and I busted out laughing.
Oh how I miss my crew *tear* ....at least my love life over there was complicated but not 1/2 of what I have to deal with now.

This current boy situation is driving me insane still.  I mean nothing is going to happen now, but I don't even get a damn reason.  I mean I was shocked...he throws this at me out of the blue.  Why are some boys idiots??  I MEAN TRULY!! haha and the thing that gets me is we didnt have a fight or someone did something drastic.  It's just stupidity...and he doesn't want to even fix even though I want to :(     He'd rather throw it away.  Now I feel like something is totally missing....he was part of my daily routine...come home from work and he'd be there on the internet or I'd call him at work and now there is that void.  I gotta fill that space and time....which has led me to make my scrapbooks!! 

I've always wanted to do them.
Although I'm creatively challenged, it will not stop me lol.
I'm working on the New York one..and then I'm doing another one with the friends.  Id rather book at them in a album than on Flickr or online.   More meaningful for me :) 
So we shall see how these turn out.  New hobby?  Maybe...see how much it costs :P 

      Also having a great summer !! Well summer is just summer to me because I work year round so I don't appreciate it as much as the university people do.   I think we've been clubbing a lot lately no?? haha. 
Always FUN though...and Jamie and rejoined us for quite some time now.  
We have to make her more aware of alcohol Ryan...lol  (by the way I think I saw your strawberry wine in Markham Liquor store today :P )   
So uhhh ....when are we doing Piccadilly Circus again? :P  Maybe my hubbie Vinnie will be there to sweep me away to Brazil haha. 
Dear Lord! 
Anywho... I think this is the year I've partied almost every weekend..and this weekend it's very mellow.  I'm not used to it. 

And just on a small note...my birthday just past about a week ago...Just wanted to say thanks to al those who came :)  Im 22. ...I'm ranking up that ladder...however apparenly from my cousins point of view...these are the years to cherish and have most fun...and I will do just that :D